Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
