while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
