Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
