Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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