from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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