At least make sure they are 18
Why
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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