so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
