You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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