I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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