youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
