you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
