I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
