Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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