hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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