Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
