Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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