I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
