I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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