Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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