This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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