I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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