i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
