he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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