Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
