she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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