NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
