ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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