But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
