I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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