Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
