you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
