Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
