Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
