Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
