in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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