So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
