I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Your cock deserves a montage
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
