recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
