fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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