I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
