I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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