based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
