so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
