But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
