Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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