my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
