Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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