mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
