I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
