I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
