I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
