Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
