Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
