i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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