Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
