peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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