ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
