as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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