Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
