I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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