aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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