I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
