Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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