He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
