I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
